i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
