Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
