and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
