can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
