i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
