"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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