I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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