if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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