Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
