When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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