I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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