To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
farters have to be the big spoon...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
