You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
