I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i love accidental penises.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
