i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
