I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
