I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
