My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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