If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
