Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
