I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
