He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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