so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
