i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
