guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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