You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
