Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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