I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
