So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
