how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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