Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
