Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you didnt know i had herpes?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
