Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
