I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
