Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
