shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She's the barista slut.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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