my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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