Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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