I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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