everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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