We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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