I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
