NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
