First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
