just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
