Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
