My sheets look like a crime scene.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
