My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
