My underwear smells like fireworks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
