i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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